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My name is Kathryn Sugar. I am 18 years old and I am a survivor of bullying.
I have been bullied since fourth grade. Ever since I moved to the Southern part of New Jersey. It was fine back then, just kid stuff. But middleschool started the worst of it. I started becoming distant to other kids, never really talking except to friends. I hid my pain away. Then highschool rolled around and well. The shit hit the fan. I became isolated, ridiculed. I even got batteries thrown at me. It made me into a mess. I would scratch till I left gouges. And it didn't just stop at school. I went to a dance studio and it happened there too. Eventually i would lock myself away in a dark place and sob, asking God why he made me this way. Why I couldn't be normal. By sophmore year I had become violent. I plotted the murders of my fellow students. I drank alcohol. I carried a garrotte in the bottom of my bag. I wrote death poetry and murder stories. I even attempted to kill myself many times. But on the outside you would think I was just a normal happy teenager that liked to read. Eventually I went to therapy. And life got a little better. Senior year I found the butterfly project. It was my savior. I followed those rules religiously. And in the end,

I turned out okay.

Broken but okay.

I burned all my horrible stories, poems and plots. I buried the garrotte deep in the woods where nobody could find it.

The problem is nobody knows what bullying can do to people. I almost became a news headline from it.

Hell, I still have attacks of depression and if i go 50 feet near that highschool I get anxiety attacks and unconsciously scratch my arm. But in the end I'm okay and I help others.

So what if I have a big chest. So what if i'm fat around the stomach area. I'm proud of who I am, flaws and all. And you know what? I have a family that loves me and helps me through my attacks. And I wear a butterfly in sharpee on my ankle as a reminder that I went through hell, and found my own heaven.
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:iconxxamufujibioshixx:
XxAmuFujibioshixX Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Student
This made me feel very happy to read, thank you for sharing your story and being strong!!! :hug:
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:iconnjhetalia:
NjHetalia Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014
Merci. If you want to join the cause just join AntiBullyCosplayInc
Reply
:iconxxamufujibioshixx:
XxAmuFujibioshixX Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Student
I sent a request to join the group ^.^
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:iconnjhetalia:
NjHetalia Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014
Okay ^^
Reply
:iconxxamufujibioshixx:
XxAmuFujibioshixX Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2014  Student
>w<
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:iconnjhetalia:
NjHetalia Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2014
hehe
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:iconrandomality101:
Randomality101 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014  Student Writer
I'm happy you stayed strong and pulled through. Those bullies who started this mess were idiots. 
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:iconnjhetalia:
NjHetalia Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014
Thank you. I hope you join the cause to stop bullying like I have.
Reply
:iconrandomality101:
Randomality101 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Student Writer
Yes, definitely. Do you know of any cool organizations I could join? I don't really know of any yet.
Reply
:iconnjhetalia:
NjHetalia Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014
well there;s AntiBullyCosplayInc which I own on here. And there's a thing online called the butterfly project
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:iconrandomality101:
Randomality101 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Student Writer
Do I have to be a cosplayer? 
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:iconnjhetalia:
NjHetalia Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014
No art and writing is accepted too ^^
Reply
:iconrandomality101:
Randomality101 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Student Writer
Awesome! :D
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:iconnjhetalia:
NjHetalia Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014
just look it up ^^
Reply
(1 Reply)
:icondeath-dealer123:
Death-Dealer123 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014  Student General Artist
i am glad ur ok chica 
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:iconnjhetalia:
NjHetalia Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014
Thank you
Reply
:icondeath-dealer123:
Death-Dealer123 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014  Student General Artist
:)
Reply
:iconnjhetalia:
NjHetalia Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014
I'm going to help others with my cosplay friends. I'm making Cosplayers against bulling
Reply
:icondeath-dealer123:
Death-Dealer123 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014  Student General Artist
count me in chica 
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:iconnjhetalia:
NjHetalia Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014
it'll be up soon
Reply
:icondeath-dealer123:
Death-Dealer123 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014  Student General Artist
ok
Reply
:iconnjhetalia:
NjHetalia Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014
Cosplayers Against Bullying is too long. AntiBullyCosplayInc. sounds good right?
Reply
(1 Reply)
:icondrag0nwing13:
drag0nwing13 Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014   General Artist
Oh, mia sorella! I'm so glad you're okay and I met you! You make me so happy and I'm glad for you!
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:iconnjhetalia:
NjHetalia Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014
no problem sorella. I'm glad I met you too.
Reply
:icondrag0nwing13:
drag0nwing13 Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014   General Artist
:)
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:iconnjhetalia:
NjHetalia Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014
;3
Reply
:iconunicornsandjazz:
Unicornsandjazz Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you, this really helped me. you are a wonderful person and i am so glad that you made it through this.
Reply
:iconnjhetalia:
NjHetalia Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014
Thank you. And remember I am here for you if you need me. Any time of day if you message me I will respond.
Reply
:iconunicornsandjazz:
Unicornsandjazz Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks. i really like this idea of havong someone there for me. 
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:iconnjhetalia:
NjHetalia Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014
I want you to have what I didn't when it started for me. Someone to help. If I had gone to therapy years ago I wouldn't have spiraled down so far.
Reply
:iconunicornsandjazz:
Unicornsandjazz Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you so much. i like that i don't really know where or who you are because i was forced to go the therapy and i didn't like the thought of somone who knew my real self so i pulled my "i'm just a happy girl" act and i didn't have to go anymore. i still have a really really big problem with trusting people so i'm glad that i can use the internet to help me.  does that make sense to you?
Reply
:iconnjhetalia:
NjHetalia Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014
Yeah. I did the "sane girl act" too. And don't worry I am nicknamed the Angel of the Internet by close friends. Because i leave little helpful things around the internet. And if you want to know more about me. All you need to do is ask. I'm willing to talk if you are willing to listen and take a step.
Reply
:iconunicornsandjazz:
Unicornsandjazz Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
seriously, thank you so much. you are really a wonderful person to be doing this for others.
Reply
:iconnjhetalia:
NjHetalia Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2014
Its not my choice. Its my calling. Without me who knows where some people could be. Most likely a grave....
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconwhatdreamsaremadeuv:
WhatDreamsAreMadeUv Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I am so, so glad you're here and not gone. Thank you for not doing anything foolish, I'm so glad you're here and not gone. I'm glad to have known you, and glad you're on Deviantart, so I could've have met you.

Thanks. :)
Reply
:iconnjhetalia:
NjHetalia Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014
you're so welcome. I just want to be a good role model now and show people there's alternatives to suicide and self harm. That there are people out there who care and want to help you. But first you have to reach out and accept that help. I may be just a fraction of the joyous child i once was but now I can build back up to who I want to be. I want to let everyone know i'm here for them. And that they will never be alone again.
Reply
:iconwhatdreamsaremadeuv:
WhatDreamsAreMadeUv Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You, my friend, are simply, amazing.
Reply
:iconnjhetalia:
NjHetalia Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014
No I am just a simple woman who has been sober for a few months.
Reply
:iconwhatdreamsaremadeuv:
WhatDreamsAreMadeUv Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:iconspazhugplz:
Reply
:iconnjhetalia:
NjHetalia Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014
*flail* somuchHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUG!

And also, spread the word of my help. I really want to help people. I might even take pictures of the butterfly on my ankle.
Reply
:iconwhatdreamsaremadeuv:
WhatDreamsAreMadeUv Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Really? Okay. I'll see what I can do. :)
Reply
:iconnjhetalia:
NjHetalia Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2014
okay ^^ I think i'll be doing a lot more stories on anti-bullying.
Reply
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January 6, 2014
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